Mike's Angle

Extended Summer

We had a slow start to the summer in Bend this year, but I believe I’ve figured out a way to extend it for a couple more months (those of you who live in Phoenix may not want to hear this). It’s a calendar thing. In our little microclimate of Bend we have summer during the 7th and 8th months of the year (July and August). Here we define “summer” as a period of time where the chances of your plants freezing are generally below 50%. Summer’s a funny word isn’t it? Say it a few times out loud: summer, summer, summer. It makes your lips tickle and you sound like Winnie the Pooh after a little smackerel of honey. But I digress. So it turns out that July and August weren’t part of the original calendar; they were invented by the early Romans (specifically Julius and Augustus Caesar – notice any similarities?) and interjected in the middle of the previous ten month calendar. So the real seventh month is September, from the Latin “September” meaning “seven”, and the eighth month is October, named after the octopus because it has eight arms (by the way, November is named after my Uncle Novak from Nova Scotia who only has nine toes and December is named in honor of the giant squid which has ten legs). So if we get the calendar dialed back the way it’s supposed to be, it will be summer in September and October which means we’ll have two additional months of summer! How’s that for a plan? So go ahead and make plans to do a little extra golfing, mountain biking, hiking, fishing and floating on the river, and school won’t be back in session until November. All we have to do is believe. Another option is to hang on to some Twilight Ale and if the weather does start to get a bit chilly, just go outside and open one up and release some of the stored-up summer in a bottle. By the way, in case you’re wondering how Uncle Novak lost his toe, there was an incident with a giant squid that he doesn’t like to talk about.

Editor's note: I can't see any flaws with this plan. Let's go with it.

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