Mike's Angle

The Independent Nation of Cascadia

There is a movement afoot to create a sovereign nation consisting of Oregon, Washington and British Columbia in order to create “a binational region whose shared culture and interests transcend the international boundary”, though as near as I can tell it has something to do with drivers’ licenses. So what would this nation be like? Would it be filled with swarthy lumberjacks dressed in plaid and hearty women who happily butcher mooses (meece?) on their kitchen floors? Here are some of my thoughts:

1. The school year would be scheduled around the Stanley Cup playoffs.
2. We would change the name of Canadian Bacon back to “ham”.
3. The national anthem would be a collaborative composition by Avril Lavigne, Justin Bieber and the Barenaked Ladies.
4. It would be sung at all major sporting events by William Shatner, who would also be president (or king, or emperor) for life.
5. Pamela Anderson would be the first lady (queen, empress, high priestess).
6. I bet you didn’t know Pamela Anderson was Canadian, did you?
7. The garages would be filled with snowmobiles and Zambonis.
8. Canadian Geese would no longer feel segregated from regular geese.
9. We would annex an island in the Bahamas so we have somewhere to get dry.
10. People would say “zed” instead of “zee” and change the name of “tomato” to “tomato” (you pick).
11. Everyone would say “Eh?” at the end of our sentences, but only if they felt like it.

It certainly is fun to daydream about this idyllic land where maple syrup and coffee would flow like rivers and the cold, clear rivers would also flow like rivers. One thing is for certain, there would be plenty of good beer there. And you can magically transport yourself to this land of wonderment as you sip a cold, delicious Hop in the Dark Cascadian Dark Ale.

Editors Note: I prefer “tomato

Independence in Art, Music, Beer and Life